Answering Imaginary Mail

So, it's Saturday and I'm bored. Most of my friends are busy hacking up their lungs, and I'm tethered to the tissue box, so I can't really go anywhere without getting the plague-bearer evil eye. Therefore, in light of recent developments in the chatrooms and the dining-hall gossip, I will perform a civic service and dispel some of the batshit crazy rumors out there by broadcasting my boundless wisdom and invaluable experience as a superhuman with the flu.

Q: OMG are people gonna know I have superpowers if I get sick?
A: Okay, that was a MASSIVE breach of medical protocol on the part of the staff at Merriman General. I don't care if she is a senator's daughter; she has a right to her privacy. So, assuming you're not going to a hospital staffed by chimpanzees, you shouldn't have to worry about your secrets leaking to the press. If your superpowers are physical, like superstrength, the nurses will probably be able to tell, but if they don't change the structure of your body much, you might be able to squeak by unnoticed. But if you go into a hospital with a binary cardiovascular system or wings or something, it's not unreasonable to expect that to show up on your private medical records from now on. And your insurance.

Q: My co-worker is sick. I've always suspected he was a superhuman! This is conclusive proof, right?
A: For the record, the cyborgs are getting hit the worst proportionally, because their immune systems generally suck. However, the baseline humans compose the vast majority of the people getting hospitalized. Supers are just getting the most press right now, since 1) people like Diamante and The Universal Remote generally don't get sick, and 2) an awful lot of us are experiencing fluctuations in our powers. Very visible fluctuations.

Q: Will I get superpowers if I get sick? Will I lose them?
A: Uh, no. You'll just get sick. The people who appear to spontaneously develop powers are just the ones getting outed. Just look at the list of powers, and you'll see that they have nothing in common. It makes no sense for one disease to be the source of scattered reports of electrogenesis, self-duplication, the ability to turn things invisible (is there a name for that?) and whatever kind of power can implode all the furniture in an apartment without breaking any windows. Not even Zero Serum can give people that range of powers. Similarly, the people 'losing' their powers are just getting sick. Kind of like how baseline humans 'lose' the ability to walk in a straight line when they're running a fever. Except most people aren't going 70mph 20 stories above the ground when they discover they're dizzy. Right now I think being sick is the least of Velocity's worries.

Q: My city is left undefended! Where can I buy a force field generator?
A: Don't be a stupid vigilante. If the superheroes are sick, so are the supervillains. So odds are, the city's going to be pretty quiet for a while, barring a robot invasion or something. Also, we have police officers.

Q: Is the Swine Flu the military's new bioengineered supervirus that got out of control? It's the military, right? Or the CIA. Or the Mexican supervillains. They're trying to kill us all! It's a conspiracy!!!111!
A: No, it probably isn't. May I refer you to El Coyote's press conference, in which he explains why you're an idiot? Why don't you go put your little tinfoil hat back on and go back to writing frothy little rants about how those evil aliens are trying to steal your allegedly superior genetic material to breed a clone army to colonize the Earth?

Q: Are you okay? You aren't going to infect me, are you?
A: I feel like Baron Dynamo after Vector got done smacking him around, but I doubt I'm a walking biohazard anymore.

Q: Do you still have superpowers?
A: Yes, but using them makes me feel nauseated right now. Then again, a lot of things are nauseating me at the moment, including the color of my walls. I'm not going to do party tricks just to prove that I still have powers, since I want to focus on getting better.